First Big Breakdown

Oh man.  Up and down and up and down.  I thought I was in the jungle now, not the mountains!!!!  

Before leaving Lima, I had a HUGE plate of ceviche.  OH YUM!  It was awesome.  Just before the ceviche, I managed to burn the bejesus out of my arms while sitting on the top of the MiraBuuuuuuus touring central Lima.  Really?  Did I really have to start my time here with a wicked sunburn?  I did descend into some very cool catacombs at the San Fransisco cathedral to no avail.  Arms are still a-burnin.'  I included a picture of the burnin' for your enjoyment.

Arrived in Pucallpa late last night and one of the first things I saw was a woman riding on the back of a motorcycle breastfeeding her babe.  GO SUPERSTAR mama!!!!!!  I was cheering for her in my mind as I enjoyed my first motokar ride.  I want to be like her someday I thought to myself. 

I LOVE Pucallpa thus far and am enchanted.  Lima felt a little like Spain, while Pucallpa feels a little more like India (though it's really NOTHING like India I'm sure, you all know what I mean...).  I am told that there are no available maps for the city of Pucallpa because it changes so rapidly that no one can keep up.  Hmmmmm... I've never been so good with maps anyway...  I think this is just my kind of town!

Arose early with Fernando to meet all the top dog health dudes and chicas of the Ucayali region.  Holy crazy!!!!  Couldn't believe that the hospital director in Yarinacocha took the time to have a meeting to welcome me to the hospital and understand every detail of what kind of experience I want to have.  He had a band of executives with him.  He also had a very health director kind of face, only the angel executive kind :) that sometimes find ways to work good in a not always so good system.  He reminded me of an old lab director boss of mine only Peruvian style and I loved him for that (Ridgway in Peru!  Who knew). 

After a 3 hour tour of the hospital and my future abode (Plans have changed and I will work at the hospital for 2 months - thank the lordeeeeeee!  Because of my intense intern style schedule, I will live on the hospital campus with a BEAUTIFUL view of the jungle in a little apartment and in the same building as nurse, midwife, and med interns...I might have friends in Pucallpa one day ;).  All the blue abodes in the pictures are hospital buildings.  The building I will live in is the 2 story one, clinics abajo.  You can see the farmacia and the little cafe in which I will eat all of my meals.  And it's all free!!!!  And also check out the really cute veterinarian house with Oliver's picture outside.  WOW, someone has met my little Oliver here in peru and loved him so much that they drew him big on their shop.

  

So, back to ...after a 3 hour tour... we zipped off in another motokar (la la la I love you motokar) to meet the regional director of health, director of women's health, director of public health programs, director of directors of other directors of health.......  LOTS of directors today. And the other thing - Motokars do NOTHING for my hair as you can see in the photo. But they sure are FUN!!!!!

Anyway, finally to the "mountains." After a long day, I simply lost it everybody.  Toooooooo much Spanish and toooooooo much meeting directors and I was exhausted!  Came back to the hotel and thought about little Oliver curling up with me for a nap, practically suffocated in missing him so much and had my first big breakdown.  OOOOhhhh did it feel oh so bad and oh so good, but mostly really bad actually.  Read a little bit of Pema Chodron's "Comfortable with Uncertainty" (Thanks Chris!!!!!) and pulled myself together for dinner.  Wooooooh.  

Took my favorite new form of transportation (Motokar! Could you have guessed?) to a dinner spot and thought all was well until a little doggy mama came to eat with me.  Then a doggy guy without a front right foot hobbled over.  Then the kids with the gum.  Then the old man with few teeth and very little meat on his bones with a handmade newspaper to sell.  Then the woman with the necklaces.  Then different kids with the same gum.  

I couldn't help but feed the mama dog. Bought the paper from the old man and thought I was ok, not going to lose it again... then a young teenager, maybe about 11 asked if he could sit with me.  I had seen him pass by a few minutes earlier and this was his second passing.  He had a backpack on and seemed harmless and lovely and friendly and I REALLY wanted him to sit and chat with me...  Nonetheless, out of fear I told him that I had other things to do.  Reallllllllly Beth?!!!!?  IT KILLED ME!!!!!  And that's when I lost it again.  I got scared of that little guy sitting with me.  Scared of what? I wondered after I balled my eyes out at the table again, thinking of the teenager, my fear, my heart nervous with fear to be as open as I am in places I know well, the little dogs, the woman, the old man, the suffering.  Holy shit!  The old man came back after I finished my food and asked if he could box up the rest and take it home with him. "Hell YES!!!! " And then I balled again as I walked home until I didn't feel safe walking anymore and hailed those cutest of transportation motokars ever.  They sure do cheer me up.

I feel much better after lots of love from friends and family via email and I am SO ready for bed. 

Tomorrow I will focus on breathing.  Just breathing.  That's all I have to do tomorrow.

We go to Monte de Los Olivos tomorrow to meet everyone there.  It's an hour away by car and considered a very small community of about 70 families.  After my 2 months of "internship" in the hospital at Yarincocha I will spend 4 months in tiny communities around Monte de Los Olivos.  That's the new plan for now and I am filled with hope for more spiritual, personal, emotional love growth, open hearts to help me, love from all of you, and more more more jungle fruit juice!!!!

WOW the jungle is beautiful here.  I can't wait for more of that too.  And the food!  I spent $2 on dinner which included a huge fried yucca, a big pile of something orangish and starchy and yummy, a grilled chicken and a glass of the best fruit juice on the planet to my knowledge thus far called maracuya (this just means passionfruit, but still!!!!  It's gooood.)

Love to you all and thanks for all the WONDERFUL blog and email comments!

Janice, I am TOTALLY using your pastry idea for the birth house.  Consider it done :)

I move to my new abode Sunday and start at the hospital on Monday.  That's when it gets really good and really hard too I bet.  I'll keep you all posted.